I Want to Believe: My Ten-Point Plan to Save the X-Files

There was news this week that Ryan Coogler, the director of Fruitvale Station, Black Panther, and the first two Creed movies, is looking to resurrect The X-Files, most likely for Hulu.

Coogler is an awesome director, and The X-Files is one of my favorite TV shows of all-time, so news of a revival is exciting! But it would also most likely be harder to do than you think.

The X-Files (or at least the episodes you think of when you think of The X-Files) ran primarily through the 90s. Things were good economically. We had just seen the fall of the USSR and were the undisputed champs of the world. Technology was growing faster and faster - although you still needed to limit your time online since you were billed hourly. And if you wanted to watch a TV show, you needed to watch it when it was airing - if you missed it, there was a chance it would run again over the summer, but that was it.

Since you were limited to one X-File per week, it was fine that they all (at least through season 5) pretty much had the same beats:

• Mulder and Scully get a call about something weird

• The local investigator thinks they solved the mystery five minutes into the episode

• Mulder looks into the distance and says "I'm not so sure...."

• Mulder comes up with a wild conspiracy-theory solution, and Mulder and Scully argue about it even though Mulder has been right EVERY SINGLE TIME

• Scully gets bonked on the head and captured

• Mulder solves the mystery

• The evidence of the conspiracy disappears

That formula worked when you had to look forward to a new episode each week. But today, try binging it. It's a slog, as so many episodes repeat themselves over and over again.

Not to mention, setting the series in the present-day, after we had a president who lived day to day on conspiracy theories - and got almost half the voting population to believe him - seems kind of dangerous. We don't need a series to tell us that there might be something sinister about this country - we already know it's true, but if you say it out loud you might get banned in Florida. As mentioned in one of the last episodes to run (just a couple years ago), we moved from deep dark conspiracies to people lying to your face out in the open.

So with that all said, here is my ten-point plan to save the rebooted X-Files:

First, have a story: The X-Files is remembered for the "mythology" episodes dealing with the alien conspiracy/cover-up - that's what the bulk of the season 1-5 episodes were about. And it was relatively easy to do in the 90s, when episodes ran once per week and there was no binge-watching - or even VHS/DVD collections of TV shows. You didn't need to have a set, cohesive plot - you just needed to have sinister subplots and Easter eggs, no matter whether they connected or not. Nobody could follow the alien conspiracy plotline, but nobody cared - it was just extra icing on the cake.

But then DVD collections happened, and we could watch as many episodes as we wanted, and it became apparent that there was no real alien conspiracy story. They tried to put that story to rest in season 7, then started up the super soldier storyline in season 8, but by that time it was too late for most fans - we had already left.

In this day and age, when binging is only a streaming service away, it's imperative that you know exactly what the mythology will be. The X-Files found this out the hard way towards the end of their run; Lost, which we now know also didn't have a set storyline in the early-going, found this out by its second season as well. Don't make that mistake, because people will be watching (and then posting online) - make sure you know exactly what's going to happen.

Second, play with the format: As mentioned in the opening, most episodes of the show followed the same format. Upon re-watch, it gets REAL repetitive. Make sure to make every episode distinct. Part of that should include the next point....

Third, Mulder MUST be wrong sometimes: One of the big re-watch problems is that Mulder's conspiracy theories are always correct. Especially since he doesn't approach it like a detective or anything - he just says "I have a hunch", and then 20 minutes later it turns out he's correct. It's important to the story that some of his hunches be wrong - for him to be a more complete character, AND to keep a binging audience on their toes, there has to be some doubt as to whether or not Mulder is right, or if we're set for a Scooby-Doo ending.

Fourth, be careful with the conspiracies: As mentioned in the opening, when this aired in the 90s just about any government conspiracy you could throw at us was fun - we were all doing pretty well overall, and you could laugh along with the Boomers who would have been implicated in the conspiracies. Now, it rings different. You have to dig deep to find "fun" conspiracies, and should try to limit it to those as much as you can - don't give the all-too-prevalent wackos any more normalization than they already have.

Fifth, play the long game: In order to keep up with some semblance of an overall plotline, some episodes of the original series were nothing more than exposition dumps - 41 minutes of people talking, one minute of some kind of action. This was to support whatever the writers thought the story was that season (and would be abandoned the next season anyway).

For this reboot, as long as you know what your overall storyline is, you could be able to parcel things out better, with only small moments of blatant myth-building per episode. Hire at least one writer from the first five seasons of Supernatural. Speaking of writers....

Sixth, see what Darin Morgan is up to nowadays: "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose". "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space'". "Mulder & Scully Meet the Were-Monster". "The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat" (which gets way better on repeat viewings!). Despite only writing six X-Files episodes in total, Darin Morgan is the premiere writer for the show, demonstrating a great understanding of character and plot, as well as how to inject humor into episodes that still drown in darkness ("Jose Chungs's", my favorite episode all-time, with that haunting final line from Mulder, is funny as hell while also being intense). During the two-year revival a few years back, the highlights both years were the Darin Morgan episodes (although the trash monster one was pretty awesome as well). Give him a ring - I'm sure he can throw in a script!

Seventh, limit the amount of side characters: Over the course of the original series, there were loads of characters introduced that became semi-regulars, from the Lone Gunmen to Agent Spender to Marita Covarrubias. But in a reboot, you don't need to bring them all back (and this comes from a guy who proudly owns a Lone Gunmen t-shirt!). Here's your list:

• Cigarette Smoking Man: Obviously doesn't have to smoke cigarettes any more - more important that there be someone who you know knows all the answers and is making life difficult for our favorite FBI agents

• Skinner: The beauty of Assistant Director Skinner is that up until the season debut of the fifth season, it was never clear whether Skinner was a friend or foe to Mulder and Scully. He was always on that line, and always seemed like he was capable of manipulation. Add to it that he was played by the great Mitch Pileggi, and you had someone who could nail scenes whether he needed to be intense or funny ("You spelled Federal Bureau of Investigation wrong!"). Now, you can't (or shouldn't) have your new agents report into a guy name Skinner, since we already know that he ended up as one of the good guys - the point is that you need someone in charge that may or may not have the agents' best interests in mind.

• Krycek: Doesn't have to come up in season one, he can come along eventually, but Krycek was one of the best characters to come along in the original series. Basically the anti-Mulder, he facilitated some of the worst incidents for Mulder and Scully, all while trying to find the same answers they were looking for. And in a twist of fate, based on the state of the world he could still be Russian.

Eighth, learn from Agent Doggett: By the time David Duchovny left the show in season 8, fans had already started leaving the building (seasons 6 and 7 were way different than what longtime fans were expecting from the show, although in retrospect they were some of the show's best episodes - but that's a story for another time....). The show replaced Agent Mulder with Agent Doggett, a tough, hard-nosed ex-Marine whose allegiances weren't always entirely clear. From a storyline perspective this was a pretty interesting move, since that moved Scully from the skeptic to the believer. But what really stood out is that Agent Doggett (played by the great Robert Patrick) really captured what an FBI agent should be. By the time Mulder returned in season 9, he looked wimpy and whiny by comparison - it seemed like it would be more interesting at that point to follow a show where Agent Doggett was tackling conspiracies himself.

The lesson is, if they're going to be FBI agents, make sure they're FBI agents - the main characters have to be tough enough to fit their primary roles. There's enough cop shows now that we know what FBI agents are like, and we have to believe they could handle any situation they need to.

On the flip side of that....

Ninth, remember that they're geeky: Scully was a repressed milquetoast. And Mulder was a porn-addicted weirdo. They wore boring suits and drove boring cars. They stood out to those who got to know them as being a bit off-center.

And that was great! That was what we loved about them as characters. It's also one of the things that was missing during the movies and the revivals, when Mulder dressed like a schlub and drove a Mustang. They have to be at least a bit loveable losers, outside the ordinary.

And tenth, skip the ship: For those who don't know, the internet phenomenon of "shipping" (writing fan fiction where characters become lovers) originated with the X-Files, specifically the sixth season episode "Triangle", where Mulder goes back in time (sorta?) to 1939 on a voyage on the Queen Anne and meets different versions of many characters, including a much-more fun-loving version of Scully. Not only was this the start of internet shipping, it was also an acknowledgement of the casual fans' fascination with Mulder and Scully getting together.

WILL THEY OR WON'T THEY?!?! WILL THEY OR WON'T THEY?!?! As the show gained popularity and rose from must-see geek viewing to gaining a general audience following, it seemed like more people were tuning in to see a love story than an alien conspiracy show. Eventually the writers started responding in kind, which started to hurt the quality of the show. It also started turning Scully from an equal partner to more of a damsel in distress.

If people want to ship the new agents, that's fine. But don't cater to them - concentrate on the story and let the internet do its thing.

So, let's see it happen!